The First Draft

Since last week’s post went over so well, here’s another one! In the form of an update about how things have been in my post-break-up recovery. It was a little rough at first, but… well, you’ll have to keep reading to find out.

I moved back to the DFW area at the beginning of December but didn’t completely move until about a month later. I had been staying in Wichita Falls at my parents’ house until my house in McKinney sold, and while I loved it there, I was grateful to come back.

However… I was also faced with the realization that I needed to find a new place for myself. I had embedded myself into my ex’s friend group, and while I love them, and we are still friends, I wasn’t under the impression that I would be invited to things as frequently as I had been before. And that really is fine.

In the process of getting to know his people, I lost touch with a lot of my people. Specifically, my friends from my time as an undergrad at the University of North Texas. At some point, I had retreated into myself, and I had stopped reaching out. I considered my ex’s people to be my people, but he didn’t return that sentiment. And that’s fine, in a way. But when I went to move back, I realized that I felt alone.

It was terrifying. Everything felt like it was happening all at once, and my mental health took a very drastic nose-dive. Where I’d felt pretty good about everything in October and November, in December… it all became real. I was moving again. To another new city. To start over again, with another new job. There was only one person in the McKinney area that I knew outside of my previous relationship, and I wasn’t in any position to reach out to them. I’d done enough damage to that relationship, and I knew I needed to find a way to be my own lifeboat.

But like I said… terrifying. I like adventures, and I love adventurous people. I could do just about anything, IF – and here’s the problem – I have at least one stable thing. In the past, that was people. When I moved to Denton, it was my friend and roommate, Alexa, who I knew from high school. After that, it was my sorority sisters. When I went to Florida, it was my friend Sarah. But moving back again… I didn’t have any single person that I felt like I could find when I needed someone.

At some point, a lovely psychiatrist added a second anti-depressant/anxiety medication to my daily routine, and I managed to pull myself out of that, though. First, I started going to Downtown McKinney more often. It really is a great place to meet people, and every time I’m there I feel like I find a new group of cool, welcoming people. Whether it’s sitting in Habitat Plants + Coffee, hanging out with Beth at Native or looking at crystals at The Groovy Coop, or more recently knitting at the McKinney Knittery… everyone I have run into has been so kind. It really reinforced that moving back to this area was the right move for me.

There’s always something happening. Hallie at Grady Ln had a Galentine’s Party, and Beth at Native hosted a Tea, Tarot, and Incense-making class one evening. The Knittery offers classes for every level of knitting, and Habitat is honestly just a really cool place. Being surrounded by plants is a dream, and their matcha is wonderful .

And then there’s climbing. I feel like I’ve really thrown myself into climbing lately, and it’s largely because it’s fun, and it’s a wonderful way to meet people. Everyone I have ever run into in a climbing gym has been helpful, kind, welcoming and fun.

I finished my yoga certification in February and have completed CPR and Reiki certifications since then. I am trying new things, and learning about tarot, crystals, and energy healing. I feel like there’s a decent population of people in McKinney that identify as witches, and maybe they’ve always been around but I just never noticed. They are some of the most accepting, welcoming people I’ve ever met.

The GM at Oso is so much fun, and honestly, I plan on texting him when I decide I’m ready for another job. And this last week, I met one of the yoga teachers at Oso to climb with her before she taught a class. She told me more about climbing in the area and ecstatic dancing, which I’d never heard of but sounds amazing? TBD on that, I’m definitely trying to go sometime soon.

And recently, I’ve reconnected with my undergrad friends as well as made more new friends in my graduate program. I’ve planned out my thesis, found a thesis chair and committee members, and started looking at PhD programs. I’ve been climbing, making friends and helping build a website for an undergrad class. I have been decorating my house and surrounding myself with plants (and other things that make me happy). And I’m trying to write more.

Honestly, I’ve been living my best life. The only person I need to be concerned about right now is me (and my dog). I don’t feel tethered or trapped anymore, and I am so so excited at the way that has created new possibilities when it comes to adventures. However, I would like an adventure buddy.

Like I said before, I am definitely open to relationships and dating, I just want to be treated in a very specific way. It’s pretty much spoiled or nothing at this point (lol). Shoutout to the man from November for just being his wonderful self, because it made me realize I shouldn’t have to ask someone to try to understand me or care about what I need or how I feel. I really was begging for the bare minimum before my relationship ended in July.

I also want to find someone who likes the outdoors and road trips and traveling. I want to go to state parks like Estes Park or Joshua Tree and climb outside. I’d like to check more states off my list, since I’ve been to… less than 10? And of course, he has to like dogs. Lowkey might get another dog. Sorry mom.

I want to go back to Canada, and New York City and London. I want to go to Scotland, Ireland, Italy, and France. Basically, I want to go everywhere and see everything.

I know the mood of my last post was kind of… well, I don’t know how to describe it. Not great? But I’m not hung up on my past relationship, and I’m super excited about the direction I’m moving in now. I feel like I’m going the right way, and with any luck someone will come along who will want to go with me. I’m not in any hurry though.

P.S. If any of my Collin County friends need some help with their mental health… Check this place out.